So, some of you may have noticed recently that I’ve reblogged a lot of images and quotes recently pertaining to polyamory. You’ve probably been able to guess that yes, I am polyamorous. But that term hasn’t really been applicable to my life until very recently.
In case you’re not aware, the definition for ‘polyamory’ is “the practice, desire, or acceptance of having more than one intimate relationship at a time with the knowledge and consent of everyone involved.” I’m also pansexual, which means I am capable of sexual attraction towards any/all gender identities and biological sexes.
I’ve known both of these things for about four years now, and have been in five relationships since then. Only one of them was polyamorous, and it ended disastrously. I was welcomed in by both women with open arms, and when one accused me of cheating (I hadn’t), I was promptly kicked out by both before I even had the chance to defend myself. It left me feeling hurt and hopeless. I didn’t think I’d be able to find someone who would accept me for being poly, let alone someone who would let me be in a relationship with someone else besides them.
This is where Steve comes in. Steve has been my boyfriend, best friend, lover and confidant for almost a year and a half now. He is everything and more I could ever want in a person. We can be ourselves around each other (i.e. total goofballs) and we’re able to share anything with each other. About two months into the relationship, I confided in him that I was poly, and would potentially want to date someone else in addition to him in the future. He smiled and told me that while he was not completely comfortable with the idea yet, he said that we would cross that bridge when we came to it. I was just content just knowing he (at least partially) accepted me.
Flash forward to about two months ago, where I blurt out “I love you,” to another very good friend of mine (let’s call him T). And he responded with, ‘“I love you too.”
…Shit. Well, I suppose there’s no way around it now, is there?
I told Steve about him. About our bond. About how we had liked each other for a while, but I was scared to mention it, and how important T was to me. His initial reaction wasn’t the best. There was a lot of emotional turmoil between us that mostly involved me comforting and reassuring him that things would be okay, and him battling his internal conflicts. He wanted to let me be happy and finally let me be myself, but at the same time he knew he wasn’t completely comfortable with it and knew that if he let me date T right away, he would be crushed.
Over the past two months, Steve and I have done a lot of talking. About our current relationship, about T, and about what it would be like if and when T and I started dating too. Steve’s gradually becoming more and more accepting of the idea, and while he’s not quite there yet, there’s no words I can use to describe how proud I am of him. He wants all three of us to be happy in the end, and I don’t want to put any pressure on him. He’s told me he just needs time to work through his insecurities, and both T and I are completely willing to wait.
Right now, I couldn’t be happier. This is everything I could’ve wished for, and more. I’ve arranged to visit T before the year is over, and while we aren’t ‘dating’ yet, we’re thrilled to have the chance to go on a date. As for Steve and I, our relationship seems to grow stronger by the day.
I love both Steve and T with all of my heart. And I’m absolutely thrilled knowing that they love me just as much in return. <3